Beginning Again Outside Of The Box

From a very young age we begin dreaming of what our lives will look like. For some of us who dream in detail, we can feel the rumble of our dream car as we picture it, we can see the exceptional view from the office at the job that was taken from climbing up that ladder, or hear the wedding bells playing off in the distance at our future wedding. Up until the moment that those dreams reach our fingertips, we are often aligning ourselves in the pathway to ensure that they all come to fruition. But what happens the moment that you get everything that you have ever “wanted” and you realize that it wasn’t the dreamscape that you painted? What happens when you realize that you are living a life that you can no longer picture yourself in? What happens when your cinematic daydream comes apart at the seams and you find yourself in a box that confines every move that you make? 

I can tell you what happens, because I have been there. I have wrestled with self-destructive thoughts that broke me into a thousand pieces on the floor of a home that I had consciously built with good intentions. The words, thoughts and opinions of others have haunted me from that first sip of coffee to that last sip of wine. The vices grew strong and the voices grew loud. I found myself at the lows that felt more like the end of the road. And I was one of the lucky ones, because I survived. But I’m here to tell you that you are going to as well. And one day you are going to realize that breaking out of that box is the best thing that you will ever do for yourself. 

At the end of what you thought was going to last the rest of your lifetime - whether it was a relationship, a career, a family, or a possession - it is very easy to feel lost. And it is very easy to feel as though YOU have lost as well. But the moment that you stop looking at those changed plans as failures and start seeing them as the life lessons that they are… THAT is the moment that your life will begin again. Your life begins again when you let go of the self-judgement, the attachments, the habits, the desires and the fears that have been standing in the way of your true happiness. It is time to make peace with that past of yours, whatever that past might look like, and begin to embrace where you are and where you want to go next. Your book doesn’t end, just because you have ended the chapter that you thought was going to be the best in the story. In fact, how exciting is it that your happiest chapter hasn’t even happened yet? Remember that when you are feeling anxious about what will come next for you.

Most importantly, don’t be afraid to dream again on the basis that your first dream didn’t work out the way that you planned. Life rarely does, but we have the power within us to manifest a beautiful future as long as we open up our hearts again to the love and adventure that awaits us. Believe in yourself, push your limits, conquer the goals that set your heart on fire and experience life for all that it is - the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful… the imperfectly perfect time spent on this earth. It is never too late to break out of the box that confines you and begin again. 

AN OPEN LETTER TO YOUR FRIENDLY ABUSER

To whom it may concern,

You claim that you love me, but have done everything you can to try and destroy me. The real me. You dread the parts of me that you don’t understand. And you harp on the parts of me that you don’t agree with. How can you love someone who you wish to be different? Isn’t love supposed to be unconditional? Well, it seems that I have failed all of your conditions.

You say that I have a very dark attitude. You claim that there is an insecurity curse that runs deeps in my heart. You have told others that when I am around I bring people down in light and love; people that I love dearly. I know you don’t realize that I’ve cried for weeks over it - some insecurity curse I suppose? But I want you to know that today I finally took a step back and looked at the bigger picture. You’re right. I do have a dark attitude at times. Why? Because I own my emotions and I am proud to undergo shadow work that will help me evolve into the best possible version of myself. I have faced my trauma and my mental health head on. It hasn’t always been an easy task, but it has been worth it. So…no…not every single day is full of constant light for me. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t alwyas in my heart. The problem is… you don’t want to face your own dark shadow - which is why you keep illuminating mine. And that’s okay, because my “insecurity curse” that you claim that I have has always kept me humble. Although I have recently faltered in confidence from those words that you’ve cast in my direction - I’ve found it again. And I can assure you, it is never leaving on your behalf again.

In all honesty, it saddens me to realize that these words of venom that you have spit in my face had me truly believing that I was regressing. That all of the work I have done over the years was for nothing. You brought me back down to the ground again - to the place that I had always feared returning to. You took my power in those words that you spoke so confidently and twisted my mind to make me think that something was truly wrong with ME. But I had failed to remember in that moment that it was YOUR gaslighting, manipulation, and judgment that was the trigger of my breakdown. I want to remind you: As humans, we are allowed to be confident and unsure. We are allowed to be happy and still struggle in the process. We are allowed to be strong and create healthy boundaries when we’ve had enough. We are allowed to be anxious and grounded in the same hour. We are allowed to be imperfect and still be GOOD people. We are allowed to LIVE OUR OWN LIVES and still be LOVED for EXACTLY WHO WE ARE. THAT is what true LOVE is all about.

Keeping true to my own integrity, I will admit that I used to feel sad when I thought about the fact that you will never love or accept me as I am. I used to cry, knowing that my difference from you makes me unworthy. And now I realize that I don’t need your love to love myself anymore. I don’t need your acceptance, your approval, or your whispered poison in my ears anymore. I was not put on this earth to please you. Or anyone for that matter. I am here to live a life full of love. So on that note - know that I FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO LOVE ME THE WAY THAT I NEEDED. I PRAY THAT YOU FIND THE LOVE THAT YOU DESERVE. I FORGIVE MYSELF FOR LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL OF THE WRONG PLACES. AND I KNOW THAT I AM NOW SURROUNDED BY UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. And most importantly THANK YOU for making me realize how strong I truly am for walking away and remembering who I AM.

Sincerely,

Not Yours Anymore

DO NOT ABANDON US - #SaveOurStages

Some of my fondest memories in my adolescent life were made in the music industry. I can still remember every last detail of the first concert that I ever went to with my mom - from the feeling that I got in my chest when I heard C.C. DeVille play that first solo to the exhaustion that I felt when we left that night, because for the first time I had experienced something that truly rocked my entire world. Fast forward through a mirage of local shows, big concerts, and everything in between in my little hometown in Ohio. Music was the one thing in my life that was always consistent. It was the one thing that never let me down. So when I was in my early twenties and changing my major to photojournalism, after touring with a band as their visual storyteller, it was so easy to see what my path in life truly was. But, imagine working towards a goal your entire life and watching your dreams and your industry crumble in a matter of months. An industry that seemed indestructible, essential, and never-ending. Imagine pleading for help, sharing awareness, and standing in unity to save your stages, your venues, your career, and your biggest passions - all to watch those venue lights turn off day by day.

A June survey by the National Independent Venue Association (NIVA) stated that  90 percent of independent venues reported that they would shutter before the end of the calendar year unless Congress passes legislation that will enable them to cover expenses until there is a vaccine and it's safe to host concerts at full capacity. NIVA has been fighting for those venues by lobbying for Federal assistance since March. And in August when that vote never came everything truly started to seem hopeless for us all. The hashtag #SaveOurStages had now transformed into #DoNotAbandonUs. And with this transformation, my heart has broken into a million pieces. My stomach turns at the thought of losing the one thing in my life that makes my soul soar.

As I write this with tears running down my face I urge you to remember what your first concert, play, or event felt like. Close your eyes for just a moment and take it all in again - the sights, the smells, the feelings that they left you with. These moments that entertained you, shaped you and moved you. Think of your favorite artists, your friends backstage and in front of the house - YOUR friends and favorites who might lose what they love forever. At a #SaveOurStages rally in New York, LCD Soundsystem frontman James Murphy put everything into a new perspective: “This is a natural ecosystem that can’t be built. It’s like a coral reef of venues. It’s like a natural national asset that if it goes away, it doesn’t come back.” And if it doesn’t come back there will be millions of individuals who never feel that spark again. Millions of individuals who have saved for years to stand front stage at their favorite band’s show - all to never experience that one big thing that they had always dreamt of checking off their bucketlist. Millions of individuals who will never feel like they belong to a community without their local music scene, or their online fanbase families. And millions of individuals who will not only lose their livelihoods but who will also lose the one thing in life that made their hearts beat faster and their souls soar higher.

If you have made it this far in my post, if I have tugged at your heartstrings even the faintest amount I am begging you to click HERE and help us win this fight. Take one minute out of your day to give the promise of another day to venues, musicians, crew, and anyone who has been touched by this industry. Share this article with your friends, donate to venues if you can, and PLEASE DO NOT ABANDON US as we try our hardest to SAVE OUR STAGES.

Photo by: Justin Gamble
Location: The Agora Theatre in Cleveland, OH

SOURCE AND FULL NEWS ARTICLE HERE

Turn On The Red Light - #RedAlertRESTART

When the lights go down and the show is about to begin there is an energy that cannot be properly described in words.  It's a vibration that so many of us have been craving throughout this quarantine - regardless of whether your place is on stage or in the crowd.  That fulfilling feeling that arises when the speakers start to rumble, the crowd starts to cheer and the show lights start flashing.  It is as though you are transported into another world - a world where you forget about everything except for the performance in front of you.

The Yucca Tap Room in Tempe, Arizona, bathed in red light on September 1 as part of #RedAlertRESTART campaign (Emma Jaye)

And when you leave the venue that night, it is clear that you will remember that performance for years to come.  But you won’t always remember how it came to be.  You don’t always think about who made it possible for you to see your favorite artist.  Why?  Because they’re meant to be invisible. 

Many workers in the entertainment industry live by the quote “If we are doing our job right, you don’t see us.”  There is a long list of these “invisible workers” who are crucial to making sure that you have the time of your life while they stay in the shadows.  But that doesn’t mean that they aren’t having the time of their life behind-the-scenes.  In fact, most industry workers have chosen this career path because it is a dream that they have fought tirelessly to make come true.  Most of them have fought tooth and nail, perfected their craft by experience and/or degree, climbed the ladder, and have sacrificed more than you can imagine getting where they are today. In the blink of an eye, it's all been taken away.  But now it is time for them to visible - the industry depends on it. 

According to the PLSN/FOH Covid-19 Entertainment Technology Economic Impact Survey, “Since March 2020, 95% of live events have been canceled due to COVID-19, 77% of the people in our industry have lost 100% of their income, including 97% of 1099 workers, 96% of companies have cut staff and/or wages, businesses are failing under a lack of income and economic pressure and the supply chain has completely devastated under the weight of cancellations and unknown futures."   For an industry that employs over 12 million people and contributes over $1 trillion annually to the US economy, it is easy to see how devastating this is to both the establishments AND the workers.  This is why #WeMakeEvents North America has come together as a coalition of trade bodies, businesses, unions, and live events workers to raise awareness and advocate for the live events sector during the pandemic.

Inspired by the inaugural #RedAlert event in the United Kingdom on August 11, where over 700 buildings/structures “put on the red light” to stand in solidarity, it was time to bring awareness to an international status.  On Tuesday, September 1, 2020, over 1,600 buildings across North America were bathed in red to raise both public and media awareness about the severe economic crisis of the live events industry.  From residences to business, iconic structures to local favorites - the color red illuminated cities from coast to coast from 9:00 pm until midnight.  The goal of this event #RedAlertRESTART is to urge U.S. Congress to vote for the RESTART Act, which stands for “Reviving the Economy Sustainably Towards A Recovery in Twenty-Twenty”.  This act will provide much-needed relief for industries whose expenses far exceed the payroll restrictions put in place by the PPP (Payroll Protection Program).  This act will support the efforts of ExtendPUA.org by pushing for an extension and expansion of PUA (Pandemic Unemployment Assistance) benefits for ineligible workers, such as freelancers, independent contractors, and self-employed workers.  It will also fight for an extension of the $600 FPUC (Federal Pandemic Unemployment Compensation) as part of a comprehensive pandemic relief package.  In fewer words, this Act can save our stages and those who inhabit them.

Supporters of the #RedAlertRESTART event were able to view photos and videos, no matter what city they were in, by scrolling through the "We Make Events North America" Facebook page.  In hopes of taking over social media platforms, WeWeMakeEvents.org has asked supporters to share their photos from the event, along with their own red-tinted photos.  There is a photo-editing link on their website that will filter any photo that you upload, varying from your favorite venue, your own job in the live events industry, or a memory from your favorite live event.  You are given a pre-made caption to post along with your photo that reads, “ #RedAlertRESTART: The live events we love may never recover from the pandemic, we need to take action! Take 2 minutes to contact your representatives here, and post a red photo of you at your favorite event, too: https://wemakeevents.org #WeMakeEvents #ExtendPUA .”  The biggest call to action for supporters is to contact your representatives directly from their website.  They have mentioned that it only takes two minutes, but that those two minutes can save the entire life of an industry.

Red Light Rock Shop

Walking from San Lorenzo Square in Florence Italy, you can't miss the Rock n' Roll t-shirts decorating the wall like artwork. In between the array of ACDC and Rolling Stones, the neon sign reads "LONG LIVE ROCK N ROLL" and tempts you to walk down the stairs into the underground store. You can hear the music grow louder as you descend into the red glare of the neon lights. The steps lined with vinyl records and concert posters lead you to the variety of goods hidden beneath the cobblestone. From patches and pins to t-shirts and masks - it is a rocker, biker, heavy metal dreamland. "Red Light Rock Shop" opened in 1992 by Lorenzo and Lara, was inspired by their father Paolo. His love for music lives on every time a customer visits. Lorenzo is happy to tell his favorite concert stories, or show you how they print custom tees. Ticket stubs, photos and memories line the wall behind the register, to remind you of the magic in the music industry. In this buca (typical Florence shop) you will find everything from merchandise to genuine conversation with people who already feel like family. This is definitely a spot that you DON'T want to miss while traveling to Firenze.


Via Borgo San Lorenzo 40/r Florence, Italy

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY STRUGGLING ARTISTS

Happy Monday everyone - and what a beautiful Monday it is. A beautiful day to be alive, to create, to prosper and set your intentions and vibes for the rest of your week. In today’s #HeyEmmaJayeMonday Motivational Message I am speaking to the souls of my artists. Now before you go back to doing something else, because you don’t believe that YOU are an artist - just hear me out for a minute. First of all, YOU my dear - are a masterpiece. You are a creator of your own life. And everything that you are passionate about IS art. When most people think of the word “art” they often immediately think of paintings, music, literature, sculpting…etc. But what most people fail to realize is that art is around you in every aspect of your life. Because art has been known for centuries as “the process of deliberately arranging elements in a way that appeals to the emotions, or to the senses”. So why do the masses limit art to these classic works? Art is more than just what we have read about in text books. And when you start putting that into perspective you will be shocked at what it will bring into your life. There is art in gardening, in cooking, in woodworking, in styling, in photography, in physical fitness, in love and in therapy. Your passion fuels your art form. Think about it for a moment. Life with no passion makes you feel like you’re not living your best life, just like sex with no passion makes you feel like you’re having bad sex. Am I right? Okay, now that I have your attention… let’s focus on the true meaning of today’s message.

I truly believe that in order to create something incredible, we must go back to the basics. Look at our ancestors. They used what they knew, or learned and grew from it. As humans, we have the ability to imagine, even if it is not right in front of us. We have the ability and opportunity to consider things and concepts that don’t exist. We also have the ability to create something new, because we can imagine that something that already exists could exist differently. Think back for a moment about when you were a child. Think of all the times that you used your imagination to get through the day. As an only child I had to use mine a lot more often. I remember laying in the grass for hours and making figures out of the clouds. Or finger-painting, with no direction other than how my fingers wanted to move in the paint. If artists went back to that childlike mentality and used their imagination, I truly believe that we would live and create much differently. But instead, we are so focused on creating what will “trend” on social media and we put so much emphasis on creating “the next best thing”. When someone is critiquing or teaching art, they often use the term “originality”. I can tell you first hand that originality no longer exists. Why? Because, we are all results of who inspires us, where we come from, who we’ve learned from, what makes us feel, what spikes our interests, what fuels our passions and from our own unique and very personal life experiences. If we created off of these things, instead of what everyone else in the world was creating - maybe art would make us FEEL again. Maybe art would touch us again, make us think again and have substance again. I studied my art formally in college. And where do you think we started our curriculum? Back to the basics. We learned the fundamentals of art - down to light study, color analysis and figures. We studied art history, where we learned from the classic art pieces and artists. Every class was built on the traditional forms of art, until we were able to create for ourselves. But even when we did that, we were basing our new creations off of things that inspired us in our studies and the concepts that we learned from studying them. So, as artists we need to stop putting so much weight on the term originality, and start creating from whatever it is inside of us that wants to be created. Your art should be a representation of what is going on inside of your brain, your body, your heart and your soul.

I can tell you this, because I’ve experienced it first hand. When I planned on moving to Arizona, I saw so much opportunity in creating as an artist. But when I finally moved and got settled in, I found that being an artist in a big city made it much harder to stand out. And I focused on that, instead of letting it push me to work harder. I kept saying “everyone is an artist out here” like it was a bad thing. Instead of appreciating that I was surrounded by so many people who could inspire me, I was intimidated so much that I wanted to conform. Not only because I wanted that recognition, but because I wanted the money that went with conforming to the trends. We have all heard the term “starving” artist and that is no joke. The industry is not as lucrative as it once was. When I was working in the music industry in Cleveland I was getting paid, my credentials were getting me access to all the best shows and I felt like I was thriving. When I started working in Arizona I realized that there were far more people creating for free, and for the wrong reasons. The media pits at shows were crowded, because people wanted to see the bands up close and not because they found art in photographing them. It was hard to thrive and I took the easy way out. I left myself vulnerable to the oversaturated instagram world that we live in. I did everything that I could to conform, instead of looking at the artist that I have always been. I went to the workshops, the photography meet ups and everything in the creative community that I thought would help me thrive here. I spent more time doing that, than what actually fulfilled my creative heart. And in doing so, it made me so empty that after a few months I stopped creating all together. When someone asked, I made every excuse in the book as to why I wasn’t working as an artist. And I can honestly say that not creating took a MAJOR toll on my mental health. Because I was living a life, working a career, and creating without my biggest passion.

If you read last Monday’s message, then you know I spent a lot of time this past month reminiscing on why I started my journey. You also know, that in doing so - I returned to not only myself as an artist, but to my TRUE SELF again. During that transformative time I took a screenshot of a quote that I found on social media. It said “real growth starts when you’re tired of your own shit”. And let me tell you, I felt that to my core. I was tired of the person that I was becoming. I was tired of being tired and unmotivated. And the only person that could change that was ME. When I am shooting a concert I am stuck with one stage, whatever lights I am given and I have no control over how the musicians move or interact with me. So, I change my lenses, change my manual settings and change my angles to compose and capture the best scene that I can. I can do this so easily, that I don’t even have to think about it anymore. So, why should it be different with the situations in life that I am dealt. If I can’t change the situation in my life, I need to change the perspective, the mindset and the actions taken to capture the best of the situation. The moment that I recognized this was solid gold. Because I started creating again, for ME. I forgot what everyone else had to say about it, I forgot about the money and recognition and I started creating because it made me happy. And since I have done that, I have gotten far more opportunities in my own field. Because I was ME. And to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

So, if you haven’t created in a while, if you have found yourself in a creative rut, or if you have been focusing on other aspects in your life - it is time to return to yourself and your work again. Let the fear of failure leave your body and breathe in the curiosity to create. And in doing so, please remember that it is far easier to be a critic than a creator. People can tell you that they don’t like your work, that they think that your work is wrong, or that they believe that your art isn’t good enough. But guess what…not everything in your life makes sense, does it? Not everything in the world makes sense, does it? No. So, why does your art have to make sense to anyone but YOU. And even then it doesn’t have to make sense. Some people will only like you, accept you and support you if you fit into their little box. The same thing goes for what you create. So paint their boxes with the spirit of who you are, explode their boxes with love and when you outgrow them don’t weep for their ignorance of who you are and what you create. Instead, you keep creating. You create without validation from the rest of the world. Because your work is beautiful - whatever medium it may be. Your thoughts are powerful, your voice speaks volumes, your choices are yours to choose - and no one needs to approve of who you are, who you want to be and what you want to create. Stop adapting to the energy of those around you. Because YOU are the only energy that matters. Radiate your vibes so high that they influence the people around you instead.

And I know that being a starving artist isn’t fun, and it isn’t as glamorous as they make it seem in the movies. But don’t use your energy and time focusing on what you don’t have. If you have food in your fridge, a place to sleep - better yet, if you have a home to call your own (whatever kind of home that may be) - do you realize that you are richer than 75 percent of the entire world? You are reading this right now, you are comprehending this right now - which makes you better off than millions of people. And most importantly if you are reading this than you are ALIVE. Thousands of people will not survive the rest of this day, let alone the rest of this week - but you are. Why are you going to waste it being miserable, living without passion, or worrying about your financial status. Your life needs to stop being about comparisons and complaints. And it needs to start looking like you waking up every morning grateful for what you and the Universe has provided. You may not be living your ideal life, you may be struggling financially in this moment, but you are alive. And the moment that you realize this, you will realize that you have thousands of reasons to be happy. You will start to realize that you are rich in gratitude, you are rich in happiness, you are rich in relationships and you are rich, because you have the ability to create. My parents taught me from a young age that is far more important to be rich in life, than full of life’s riches.

So, start getting up in the morning and giving your brain more to work with. Surround yourself with new things, different environments and start combining things that you know with new things to be learned. Say yes to new experiences, and no to things that you truly do not want to do. Be open to new knowledge, stay humble and stay teachable. Otherwise you will stay at the same level forever. But don’t force anything - and by anything I mean creations, relationships, friendships, conversations…etc. Everything that you do, will effect your art and your soul. Let your world and creativity flow calmly as it desires. Because calmness is a state of trusting in the Universe, or your higher power (whatever that power may be). Instead of overthinking, overreacting and trying to force your life and your art to go the way that you think it should - surrender yourself to those singular moments, feelings and situations. Allow yourself to receive a higher guidance. Trust that your body will tell you what to do. You will feel the intuition inside of you. And creativity will flow out of your body like it is meant to. Remember that when you live with passion, you will start to see the world differently. You will start to romanticize your life, just as you do your art.

And most importantly, remember that you have a fan right here. I see YOU. I am thrilled that you are willing to see your life as art, and to commit to yourself as being the creator of it. I am proud that you are strong and brave enough to call yourself an artist. I support you. I can’t wait to see your next project - whenever you are ready to take it on and share it with the rest of the world. YOU are enough. Your art is enough. Better yet, it is everything!

-EJ

Movement Study from my sophomore year

Home Sweet Home

Happy Monday Everyone! I am writing to you from my hometown of Youngstown, Ohio with the sound of Motley Crue’s “Home Sweet Home” playing in the background - so you can be certain that I am the happiest I have been in quite some time. Not that I don’t love my home and my life in Arizona, but sometimes you need to re-surround yourself with what is not only familiar, but with what is necessary to remember who you are.

About a month ago I decided that it was time to go back and visit Ohio. I needed to get away for a little while and remember who EMMA JAYE is. The past year I have learned that it is all too easy to get caught up in the roles that you play in your life, and forget who YOU are as a person. I had been so busy investing in my daily roles that I was neglecting the investment of myself. I wasn’t losing sight of my goals, but I was definitely not putting them first. I’m not saying that those roles aren’t a top priority, but I AM saying that you need make sure that you keep yourself as a top priority right there with them. So, after figuring out all of the logistics I was on my way home sweet home.

And it was a funny feeling, because on the airplane I started to ponder what the word “home” even means to me anymore. Because I was born in Colorado, but grew up in Youngstown, Ohio. And then I spent a large chunk of my life in Kent, then Cleveland and an even bigger chunk in Florence, Italy. And now I live in Arizona, but I feel a sense of home in multiple places. I feel a sense of home in my hometown, on the streets of Florence, and in the wide open desert. And that is when I came to the solid conclusion that everywhere you go becomes a part of you somehow. You truly find a little piece of yourself in your travels, and you take a little piece of where you are traveling with you as you are headed to your next destination. That is when I also realized that it extremely important to remember your journey, when you are chasing your ultimate destination.

In your twenties you become very familiar with the phrase “finding yourself”. People use this in college, in bad breakups, in experimentation and beyond. I too was a very big fan of always “finding myself”, whether it was for the first time, or the second, or the third… the truth is, in my twenties I have felt lost a lot. And I know now that I have never been lost and neither are you. I was right on the path that I was meant to be on, and even in your darkest moments - so were you. We need to stop titling ourselves as being “lost” and start giving ourselves the title of being “here”. Because that is what are. We are here surviving, transforming, thriving and becoming the person that we were meant to be from the start. It won’t always feel beautiful, but it will feel worth it in the end. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to remember who we are and that we are destined for so much more than our own rock bottom. I can honestly tell you that if I had spent as much time enjoying my journey, as I did worrying about it, I would have probably been a much happier person in my early twenties. But that doesn’t mean I can’t start now. Because we are never truly starting over in life, only starting with new experience. I know now that “Finding Yourself” is actually returning to yourself. To your true being. Your truest form. And everything that YOU were meant to be from the moment you arrived on this earth. Which is why I have realized in the past few weeks that it is extremely important to remember who you were before the world got its hands on you.

And for me, that took coming back to my hometown, being surround by family and friends who love me and reminiscing on how I got to where I am now. The past month I have written so often about surrounding yourself with the “right” people. And in doing so, I have gained positive influences and purged the toxic ones. But my family and close friends have remained through it all - even through the distance. And being around them all this past week has been exactly what I have needed. When you move to a new place, or chapter in your life - you aren’t always blessed with incredible people. (Trust me on this one) And you experience the feeling of loneliness a lot more, even in a crowded room. I learned this the hard way, when I made my move to Arizona. Yes, I have a great family structure there and I’ve started to make a new life for myself - but I also have ended up with people in my life who don’t build me up as often as they tear me down. In dealing with this transition, I have learned that there are so many people that love you in your life. And their love is so strong that it outweighs the opinions and energies of the people who don’t. So, remember to focus your energy on the people who have loved you and supported you through every transition in your life, through every version of yourself and that you know without a doubt will be there until the end. After all, they are all a HUGE part of who you are today.

Another realization that I have had in coming home was that even in the excitement of where you are now, it is important to remember where you have been and how you have gotten there. For instance, since I moved I was having so much trouble finding myself creatively in Arizona. I went to the workshops, the meet-ups and the events trying to attach myself to a creative community that felt right. And even when they felt okay - none of them were who I was as an artist. And it wasn’t until I started looking back to when I first started in the music industry here in Ohio, that I felt that fire in my heart again. It started when I found a folder from my visual storytelling class. This folder contained all of my notes, lectures and even the scribbles in the margin from when I had to write down everything that my professor said in class. It also had printed copies of every photo I had taken for the class; my very first photo story of a band. I was in awe looking at those again for the first time in over 4 years. A few days after I found them, I had friends over on a Saturday night. One thing led to another and we somehow managed to pull out that folder. I showed them my early work in the industry and effortlessly found myself speaking about how much it meant to me. My friends, being the angels that they are, showed so much excitement about my work and my passion that it left me thinking about it days later. So, I decided to look through all of my archives and re-visit the stories that I had made on a local band. This inspired me to start up in the industry again, in my new town. I knew that I wouldn’t get paid and that I would need to re-invent the name that I had made for myself in my hometown. But for the first time in a LONG time, I found myself truly happy again and truly ME again.

Fast forward to this past week. Before I left for my hometown I got an email from a publication that I have read for years. It gave me an AMAZING opportunity as an artist IN the industry that fuels my passion for visual storytelling. And then the day that I arrived into town, I was capturing the same band from my photo story four years ago. At one of the same venues that I had spent hours in year ago. And most importantly, with all of the people who reminded me how truly incredible it is to have a community that loves and supports you. I spent the entire evening catching up with friends, and one statement from them stuck out more than any other. Because I had multiple different people tell me that they were so happy to see me in the music industry again. And as I captured the band again for the first time all of the feelings started to come back. I remembered my first days shooting these same musicians. I remembered how timid I was in the beginning, but how eager I was to learn. I remembered their blind faith in me and my work, and how great they were for giving me a chance. As the same set from years ago was played,, even though everything else in our lives was completely different, it brought me back to the woman I was when I first started this journey. I remembered why I started, and how much I have overcome. The next couple days were spent with my friends and family - doing all of the things that we used to do. From porch chats with my bestfriend to family bonfires at my grandparents house I was full of love and positive energy. And when my Mom and I spent a day exploring all of the places we had gone growing up, I remembered who she made me. It all truly made me rediscover myself again. We get so afraid to look back at where we have been. We always think that looking back has to be on heartbreak, bad memories and going back to places we never wanted to return. But it is quite the contrary. Looking back should be at the happiest times of your life, the places that built you, and the people who made you.

So as I leave you with the Monday task of looking back at the places that have inspired you, why you started the journey that you’re on and who made you into the amazing person that you are - I want you to remember that you are never lost. Even as we get caught up in people, roles and our own worries - we are here. where we need to be. And remember that the new “Finding yourself” is “returning to yourself”. Maybe not the same person that you were in a past chapter of your life, but a person with the same spirit, drive and love. Never forget the places that built you, the “homes” that made you, and the moments and memories that inspired you. After all, they are all part of who are and they always will be.

Break Away

Good Morning and Happy Monday everybody! I’m sure it feels like I forgot, or got a little lazy, since you didn’t hear from me last week. But I promise, there was a purpose to the silence. I spent last week REALLY digging deep into my own heart and mind, and in order to do so - I had to break away from A LOT of things that have become a daily part of my life. Starting with Social Media.

Last Monday, I decided that it was time for another detox, and this time it wasn’t with negative people. Not even necessarily with something negative in my life, but something that was starting to bring out negative thoughts and emotions within myself. When you commit to listening to your body, mind and spirit - you will start to discover things about yourself that you never realized. And for me, social media was starting to become one of them. Now don’t get it twisted, I am not saying that social media is the devil. Because it isn’t. When you’re alone, it can make you feel less lonely. Because you can connect and keep in touch with your family and friends. You can still feel all of the emotions that you felt when you were with them, from photos, memories and videos. You can feel the excitement in your heart when you see them happy, and be there for them when you start to notice their unhappiness. Social media keeps you connected with friends and family from all over the world - and that is so special, because it helps time and distance feel so small. It also connects you to new people. I met an incredible woman here in Arizona, who I am lucky to call a friend, after we spent a year ONLY talking on social media. And when we finally met up in person, a short coffee date turned into a four hour heart-to-heart and I can’t thank the Universe enough for putting someone in my life who is aligned with me in thought, spirit and creativity. Social media also inspires you to create. People, art, work, life - you can get inspired on so many levels (when you are following the right people). And something that I truly believe… it can help your businesses, brands and organizations thrive. So, I’m not here to bash social media. I am here to remind you, just as I reminded myself last Monday, that it is okay and absolutely necessary to break away from it from time to time, and use it in better moderation.

Social media can be a GREAT asset to your life, but it can also be a huge WEIGHT when you are obsessing over it and when you are investing too much time and energy into it. According to an article published in the December 2018 Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, keeping your (social media) use down just 30 minutes a day can lead to better mental health outcomes. I understand that some of us use it to network, and market for our careers, so 30 minutes a day is not possible. But you still have to be aware of how it makes you feel and how it is impacting your day to day lifestyle when you do. Social Media has been known to feed depression, anxiety, low self esteem and really take a toll on mental health. And here are some of the major reasons why, and some of the major things that you should always keep in check when you find yourself feeling down. These are what I believe to be the “red flags” of social media.

I think that one of the largest social media red flags is FOMO, Fear of Missing Out. And I say this, because it is the one thing that impacts me more than anything else. It is so easy to see people you know, or strangers for that matter, doing all of the things on your bucket list. And you are watching them do these things from the comfort of your own home, which now seems like a jail cell, because it is not as appealing as the streets of Barcelona, or the beaches of Cabo. You feel as though you are missing out of these positive experiences, or emotions - when you aren’t missing out on anything. Because when you are getting your life together and working to live the best possible life that you can. YOU ARE NOT MISSING ANYTHING, YOU ARE RIGHT WHERE YOU NEED TO BE. You should be investing more energy in trusting in the Universe and trusting that the path that you are on is going to bring you so much prosperity and happiness. But these negative feelings flow so frequently and effortlessly and they are being fueled by social media. These emotions are coming from a place of jealousy, insecurity and an expectation of what you think life should be like.

Which brings me to my next social media red flag - the social expectations. When we see other people living what we consider to be “successful lives”, we often find ourselves wondering what is right, where we should be, what we should achieve and the most daunting…when we should be achieving, or reaching certain points in our lives. We give ourselves these timelines, and if you don’t reach your goals in these timeframes we begin to develop anxiety over our situations and question our abilities to succeed. We always feel like we aren’t doing “well enough” if we are not finished with college in five years, getting married before 30, starting a family before 40, starting a business before it’s “too late” and you’ve invested “too much time” in your previous career - well here’s a plot twist for you, if you’re stuck on those timelines. THERE IS NO SUFFICIENT TIMELINE FOR YOUR LIFE. Your life will happen as it is supposed to. And we need to remember that when we find ourselves worrying over our time here on earth and what we consider to be successful in our own society. By examining and comparing other peoples “success" we are placing so much self-doubt on ourselves. And in doing so, we end up holding ourselves back from our own greatness. All because we were too busy comparing everyone else’s story to our own. We need to stop seeing greatness in everyone else, but not ourselves. Our paths are all different, and we need to stop feeling so “lost” when we can’t relate to someone else’s story. We need to stop living someone else’s dream and live our own. Because guess what? Maybe you are not the conventional man or woman. Maybe you don’t have the conventional career, or conventional educational background. But guess what. You are YOU. And that is all that matters. Let the social expectations, time lines and social norms go out the window. I can be the professional photojournalist and rockstar photographer that I always dreamed of. And I can be a respected business owner and lingerie model, because it is MY PATH. It is not up for discussion, or critique by anyone but me. It’s time to stop getting distracted by ANYTHING that doesn’t have to do with your own goals, and life dreams.

And the scariest part is that social media has created these jealous and insecure behaviors, that are sometimes pure illusion. We are over here on our couches and in our cars envious over lifestyles, and relationships that may not even truly exist in real life. People aren’t always who they post to be. Their lives aren’t always as glamorous as what they post. Do you truly think that the girl on instagram with the prettiest smile, at the prettiest places, doesn’t ever break down in the middle of the night and cry, because she feels so alone? Let me tell you something. She does, but she doesn't post that. And that couple that you see posting 24/7 about how happy they are, could stay up all night fighting after posting their perfect #relationshipgoals picture on every social media platform that they have. Oh, and look up the app FaceTune. Yes, it is awesome when you have a blemish on your face and want to get rid of it in a photo. And there is nothing wrong with that. But remember that when you buy the full app - you can change your full face. Maybe that’s why the instagram model that you saw in person didn’t quite look as glamorous. And I’m not saying that to be a smart ass, or make you laugh. It makes me sad. Because she didn’t love herself enough to embrace who she truly was. I’m not against minor adjustments, and I’m not against enhancing who you are with apps, or surgery, or makeup, or clothes. But I AM against people who are using those things to mask the fact that they hate themselves. I wish they could see how beautiful they are, and start the journey to self love. And I wish that, because I also wish that for myself when I have personal self-destructing thoughts. We have all seen the humorous instagram vs. reality posts and we think that they are hilarious enough to share to family and friends. But in the moments when we find ourselves jealous of someone else’s life, why can’t we take a step back and remember that we are all human and that no one has the perfect life - no matter what it looks like posted for the world to see. We often create unrealistic expectations of life, relationships, friendships and careers - based off of things that could be complete and utter bullshit. If we stopped obsessing over everyone else, and took a look at how awesome our lives could be - we could start to make those changes.

But we forget about the potential impact that social media not only has on our lives, but on our mental states. Another red flag with social media is the fact that when we scroll we often find ourself struggling and questioning our self-worth, our self-acceptance and our self-image. It is so easy to find yourself looking at other people on social media and wishing that you looked like someone else, or had the body, things or relationships that someone else has. Trust me, I’ve been there. And recently, far more than I would have ever liked to be. Which is why I took a step back and limited my social media use - because I needed to scroll through my own photos and fall in love with ME again. And when you get stuck in that mindset, it is so easy to obsess over what you post and how you present yourself. You start to obsess over the “likes”, “followers” and “interactions” as if they give you some sort of validity as a person. We seek gratitude for those things, instead of real life interactions. And we find ourself using those things to fill voids in “real life”. I know from experience. In a previous relationship I spent so much of my time on social media. I was posting everything for the attention that I wasn’t receiving in my own relationship. And instead of walking away from someone who didn’t make me feel beautiful, I was letting all of the people online feed my ego. I should’ve been feeding my own ego, and making the changes that I needed in my own life. But this felt better. It was easier to do, I was comfortable and I was wearing a reality filter. It is so much harder to put in the work for self acceptance, than to do everything in your power to find social approval. But we need to stop taking the easy way out. Let me go ahead and break it down for you…YOU DON’T NEED SOCIAL APPROVAL. YOU NEED SELF-LOVE. You miss out on so much of the world by adding filters to your life, by acting cool and by “doing it for the gram”.

So, what is my solution to these red flags? Be unique, but be yourself. Do what is right for you, not for everyone else watching you. Go places that YOU enjoy, not because they would look great on instagram. We have a limited time on this planet, so why spend it being an oversaturated and watered down version of yourself - all so strangers online could “like” who you post to be. Never underestimate the power of staying in your very own lane, because babe you look good there! And I’m not saying to disregard others success, in fact I am telling you to cheer on others who are finding happiness in their own lives. Wish them well, and give them social support. Giving support is creating a far better energy than being bitter and jealous. But remember that people need support, not a reminder that you’re doing just as good, or are several steps “ahead” of them. Stay humble with your own success. Let others have their moment, without you chiming in on what you’re working on. And on that note, it is okay to take a step back and prioritize your privacy. You don’t need to post every amazing moment in life, and you don’t need to post every inconvenience in your life. Save some of your thoughts, feelings, achievements and failures as things for ONLY YOU to reflect on.

And when you are taking the time to scroll on social media, if you find yourself uninspired by who you are following then it is time to change those accounts. Follow people who inspire you, empower you, educate you and who make you want to reach for the stars as they are. Follow accounts that are full of what fires your passion - woodworking, metalworking, photography, art, modeling, film, collecting…whatever it is - SURROUND YOURSELF WITH IT. And if there are accounts/people that you follow who don’t make you feel like anything I just talked about, there is a button that is so easily pressed that says “unfollow”. You are under no obligation to follow anyone, or continue to follow them. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, especially when you are doing something to better yourself and your mental health. It is time to remember that this life that you are living is not a competition. It is not about what everyone else is achieving, it is about what YOU are achieving. Life is about breaking your own limits, not limits set for you by society and others. Your only job as a person is to outgrow your own past, your own expectations, your own limits, and keep your eyes focused on yourself, not on everyone else. Start listening to YOU. And when those evil dysfunctional thoughts creep in as they always do, tell your mind to align with the power of the Universe. Trust in the Universe, in Yourself, and in your power. Give gratitude and watch your life change.

And most importantly, remember that it is not only okay, but essential to step away from social media and from every outside source every once in a while. Because my truth is that after I have a lot of social interaction (whether it is online, in person, or just in passing) I need time alone to find my alignment again. I need time to recharge my energy, and that is okay. When I get quiet, or I don’t answer the phone, or I don’t have a social media presence, nine times out of ten I am not unhappy, or angry. I get quiet and take a step back and reset, recharge and reevaluate where I am at, who I am and where I am going. It helps me live, and keeps me sane. And in this process you don’t have to stay strong. If you need 24 or 48 hours to cry, scream, cuss, mope and feel sorry for yourself about whatever it is that you set you back - you take that time. You cry it out in your bed, or over that tub of ice-cream. And then you pull yourself together, wake up the next morning ready to take on the day or the week and you remember who you are. And you go back to being the badass that you are. So if you’ve had those negative feelings lately, if you have compared yourself to what you see on social media - I want you to take the rest of the day and disconnect from the rest of the world. Do whatever it is that YOU need to do, and wake up tomorrow with the positive energy to take on the rest of the week. I know that you can and I know that you will. And I hope you know that I am sending you all of the positive vibes in the world. Thank you for letting me share my light with you every week and love you every Monday! Have an amazing rest of the week!

Photo from my photo series titled “Detox”

Becoming HeyEmmaJaye Chapter 3

The next day the guitarist of the band let me know that they were going on a week long tour, and wouldn’t be in the area for me to photograph them any time soon. For our photo story project, I needed new content every single week. So, I proposed that I could go with them as their photographer, but they politely declined. They already had a relationship with another photographer in the area and promised him that he could tag along for that run. I was disappointed, especially since I had to go into class later that day and tell my professor that the story we were all so excited about would not come together like we had hoped.

After re-editing some of my extra from my 10 and 1 shoot, I was eating lunch at the University when the guitarist called and asked if he could meet with me. Within twenty minutes he was sitting down across from me with this crooked smile that he always had when he was up to no good. “So…do you want to come on tour with us” he said, now smiling. I laughed in disbelief and asked how that was possible. Due to a work conflict with the other photographer, he had to back out last minute…leaving me to hop in the van and go. I called my boss and made sure that I could get the week off of work and explained to her how big of an opportunity this was for me. Without even a shadow of a doubt she told me that she would get my shifts covered and congratulated me on chasing my dreams. Now, it was up to the professor. I would be missing a week and a half of school, but I would be creating non-stop. He would have to agree to it, right?

Even better. I walked into class that night with the biggest smile on my face and sat right in front of Gary. He smirked in my direction and shook his head, knowing that something was up. “Emma Jaye”, he said inquisitively. I smiled and said, “What do you think of me going on a week long tour with the band"?”. I attempted to continue, “that would mean 24/7 coverage, intimate access..learning…” but he cut me off. “You’re doing it,” Gary said stern and smiling. We discussed my time off from school and he assured me that if any of my other classes gave me a hard time, he would send over an academic pass to cover my back. But he made sure to let me know that I had to stay caught up in all of my classes, and meet every deadline. In that moment I could care less about the amount of work I would have to do in the upcoming weekend, because by the time September 29th rolled around I would be on my very first tour as a music photographer. Leaving class that evening I made sure to sit and talk specifics with Gary. We had to have been there for at least an hour talking about levels of intimacy, composition, timing, moments and everything in between. And as I was walking out the door of the classroom, a voice from the desk said confidently “I believe in you Emma Jaye”. I had never felt so much support from someone. Yes, of course my mom (who I call my momger) has been my biggest fan and supporter in the entire world. But to have someone come into my life so briefly and believe in me so strongly…it was like a breath of fresh air.

I spent the next week and weekend completing all of the work and assignments that I was going to miss the following week. I only had one journalism professor give me hell about it, and boy was she relentless. She even had the nerve to answer a question of mine with the side note “well maybe if you weren’t going to be off galavanting with a rock band for a week, you would be more focused on the lessons that matter in journalism”. I got up that day, gave her my assignment and politely told her that doing this was the start to an amazing journalistic career for me. She laughed in my face and I walked out of her classroom for the last time. That evening I dropped her class, and picked up a different one. I would re-take the class with a new professor the following semester. I wasn’t going to let a bitter old woman stunt my growth as a journalist, or as an artist.

Before I knew it, it was time to start packing. I had all of my equipment packed and ready, when I realized that I didn’t have any external lighting. In hindsight I shouldn’t have been worried, because in live concert photography this is majorly frowned upon, if it is even allowed at a venue. But being so new to the industry I went to the camera store and bought an external flash and a new memory card. I had sold three records of mine to be able to afford it. But to me, I was trading in my records for real music experience.

And oh…the experience it was.

TO BE CONTINUED

An outtake of from a band practice.

Becoming HeyEmmaJaye Chapter 2

So, I asked one of my close friends that was in a local band if I could swing by their practice and take some photos. That is when I learned that anyone in a band will ALWAYS accept free press, in any way that they can get it. When I showed up to practice later that afternoon, I had met the rest of the band, but didn't know them as well as the guitarist. I was reluctant to start shooting, until he looked at me and said “well, we’re gunna start, are you?”. As cheesy as it sounds, that set it off for me. It was now or never. And as the sound started bouncing off of the walls, I found myself doing the same thing. I was composing photos in ways that I had never done before. I did anything that I needed to get the shot that would fly into my mind in an instant. Whether it was climbing onto the couch, or laying on the beer stained ground. I was captivated in the sound and in the way that they moved their bodies. They were so free. There was no direction intended, but the way that they moved with the music was like a cinematic daydream. I was lost in it. I can remember feeling like a fly on the wall that afternoon. Never getting in their way, almost pretending as though I wasn’t there. But I felt exclusive and like I had broken a level of intimacy. Just as Gary spoke about in class.- I had made it to the “in side of inside”.

“It is one thing to get on the inside of a special place, but another thing to to notice, or capture something inside of this special place”
- Gary Harwood (Lecture 2)

And by the time they were done, dripping sweat and exhausted - I found myself the same way. Anything that I had held onto on the way to that practice was gone. My energy was light again, I was happy again, and for the first time in a long time I felt like I truly belonged somewhere. As we were leaving the guitarist’s house, I had kept my camera in my hand. Keeping it accessible - like Gary had taught me.

“Some of the best visual people never shut off. They never slide into neutral. There is always this buzz, or current - because something can hit at any moment”
- Gary Harwood (Lecture 1)

The band and I had walked out back by their van, because I wanted to see what they toured in. And there was something about the way that they fit together - something so effortless. I had to capture it. The last photo I took that afternoon was of the band against their van. Two of them were looking at me, the drummer looking off past me. It was beautiful. A beautiful ending to the evening. I rushed back to my little apartment and started editing. I focused on these photos for hours. I had shot in monochrome, so there weren’t many adjustments that could be made, but I didn’t care. I was obsessed with every detail, until the following Tuesday. My fourth class, and the one that would change my entire world forever.

We were instructed to print out the photos and bring them to class. This was something new to me, but something about having your work physically in front of you was invigorating. I took my seat in the front row. I had decided after the very first class, that I didn’t want to miss a thing that my professor said. My margins were constantly covered with notes and quotes from the man that inspired me more than I had ever been inspired. And when I took my seat that day I was instantly terrified. Maybe intimidated is a better word for it. But either way, I was reluctant again to show my work. A few of my peers showed their assignments, including a friend that I had made after the second class. His name was Patrick. And he was a phenomenal artist. He photos instantly made you “feel” something to your core. I looked to him for advice, inspiration and the motivation to suck it up and show my work for the very first time. As my professor walked towards my desk and looked at my photos, all he said was “are you kidding me?” In that moment I knew that I had failed him. I could feel the disappointment in his tone, and see the confusion on his face. My work was shit, and I was devastated. Until he says, “Emma Jaye… this is what you are meant to do”. He went on to talk about the composition of the photos, the tones that I used, the moments that I captured and how all 10 photos had a strong point to them. I couldn’t speak, to him or to anyone. I said thank you and smiled, but I was truly in shock. On my way out of class he pulled me aside one last time and said to me again “this is what you are meant to do”. As I left Franklin hall that day, I had tears rolling down my face. I had found something that I not only loved to do, and was “good” at, but most importantly it made me feel something that I had never felt before. As soon as I got myself together, I called the guitarist and asked him when I could photograph them again.

TO BE CONTINUED

Becoming HeyEmmaJaye Chapter 1

When the lights go down, and the speakers start to rumble - it sets my soul on fire. We search our entire lives for our purpose here, but I found mine in the countless venues, the tours, the hours of editing, the music of the people I love and the feeling that I get every time I am behind my lens. I get asked so often why I chose the music industry. And the truth is, I didn't. The music industry chose me.

I was twenty-two years old and lost as much as any twenty-something young woman could be. I had changed my major at least three times, changed my job double that and after completely losing myself in a terrible relationship, I was still struggling to figure out who I was as a person. But it was the fall semester, and I was ready to start brand new. I found myself in Franklin hall Room 339, sitting in a visual storytelling class that I was only taking because it was required in my broadcast journalism curriculum.

I remember the first day of class, I sat dead in the middle. That way I didn’t look too eager, but I also didn’t look like I didn’t care. My professor Gary Harwood made us do the typical college class icebreakers - your name and what your major is - you know, your college identity. I wasn’t the only student in the class that wasn’t some type of photo major, but I was definitely the only one in class that wanted to throw up when our professor said that we would be completing a full photo story by the end of the semester. It wasn’t the photography part that scared me. I had taken multiple photo classes, and I considered it a hobby in my spare time. Honestly, it saved my life in a terrible relationship. Because even as I lost myself, I found myself again every time I picked up my camera. That little lens flare of hope happened every single time, without fail. What scared me about the class, was finding something that would hold my interest for an entire semester. But I decided to give it a chance anyway. A little later on in the class, our professor placed a white sheet of paper in front of us with “QUOTE” written across the top. It was a quote from David Allen Harvey’s piece “Wear Good Shoes: Advice to Young Photographers”. As we started reading, I don’t think that I was prepared to read something that would change my entire life forever.

…today’s emerging photographers now must be “visual wordsmiths” with either a clear didactic or esoteric imperative. Be a poet, not a technical writer. Perhaps more simply put, find a heartfelt personal project. Give yourself the assignment you might dream someone would give you. Please remember, you and only you will control your destiny. Believe it, know it, say it.

You see, I had written poetry in secrecy for the past two years. Any chance that I got to write freely and passionately, instead of technically, my heart was overflowing. So this comparison alone, held my attention. Gary went on to explain what photography meant to him. He crossed the lines of it being an art form, a piece of literature, a way of life and honestly I had never heard someone speak so passionately about anything in my entire life. That Tuesday evening, I was motivated in a way that I had never been before. I found myself waking up every Tuesday morning with the drive to make it until 5:30, where Gary would inspire me yet again. On the third week, I had already taken over ten pages of notes during his lectures. It was like he speaking directly into my soul and recharging my spirit every single evening. During this third particular lecture on story structure, I scribbled a few things into the margin.

- Be good at lots of things, but be known for one of them.

- You’re as good as your weakest photo story

-Step outside of the core character development if you have to…in fact, do it often

We were supposed to have been studying story structure, and character development, but I was studying Gary’s passion. On that third class we were given our very first assignment, called the “10 in One”. It would consist of turning in ten photos from 1 location, 1 subject and 1 meaning. I had no idea where to begin, but Gary reminded me after class that I should start with something that made me “feel”. The only thing that I could think of in that moment was music.

TO BE CONTINUED

The Only Detox You Will Ever Need

Happy Monday Everybody - This morning I woke up, made a tall glass of iced chai tea (since here in AZ we are still in the 80s and 90s), did some morning yoga and claimed my affirmation to start the day. My affirmation this morning was “I trust that the Universe will remove anything and anyone that is not for my highest good”.

Lately, I’ve done some major soul searching and as you can tell from all of our #HeyEmmaJayeMonday Motivational Messages I am ALL about transformation and the journey to the best possible version of yourself. And what I’ve learned VERY recently is that it is time to start detoxing. And when I say that I’m not talking about celery juice. Your diet is not only what you eat. It is how you spend your energy, what you read, what you watch, what you listen to, what you partake in, who you “follow” on social media and in your life and who you surround yourself with. It’s time to start being more mindful of the things that you are “putting” in to your body. Whether that is physical, emotional, or spiritual. When it comes to the energy in your life, it is not something that should be taken lightly. The places, the partners, the conversations, the behaviors and the people in your life become a part of who you are as a person. We don’t always choose these wisely, or understand the seriousness of what we invite into our life on a daily basis. I will be the first to come forward and say that I have done this countless times, and I know that I will probably do it again. But I’ve learned now that I am going into every new chapter of my life with experience and with enough strength to take action when needed.

The biggest eye-opener for me this past week is that people are like art…they will eventually show you their true colors. Once you have invited someone into your life, there comes a time when you will realize where you stand in theirs. You find out whether they are with you, against you, or if they stand on that middle ground, because they can obtain something from being in your life. And as humans, we obsess over this. We are constantly worried about where someone stands with us, but it’s time to stop putting so much energy into trying to figure it out - and start putting your positive energy into the world and seeing who reciprocates it. Because eventually the Universe will show it to you. For example, look at the people that you surround yourself with on a weekly basis. If you don’t get inspired by just thinking of them - babe, you don’t have an inner circle. You have a cage. It’s time to start associating yourself with people that inspire you. People that help to make you a better person, not people that thrive on getting to the top no matter how many people they need to step on to get there. Surround yourself with people who challenge you to rise higher than where you’re at and clap for you when you reach your goal. These people will add growth to your life, instead of trying to stunt it. Remember that your journey, your destiny, your goals and YOUR LIFE IS WAY TOO IMPORTANT TO JEOPARDIZE for the sake of others.

And I know that this can be hard sometimes. Because we seek approval, we seek happiness, we seek companionship… and life gets tough and lonely. And sometimes to fill the void, we fill it with temporary people, feelings and things that make us feel good for the moment. But these things are fleeting, and in doing so - so are your aspirations. Don’t trade your authenticity for approval. It’s not worth it, because once you lose yourself in what you surround yourself in - it takes THAT much longer to get back on the journey to YOU. It’s all about respecting yourself and prioritizing peace in your life. If you are sitting a table with others and respect is not being served, it’s time to pay the check and leave. If people in your life are hurting you more than loving you, draining you more than replenishing you, and bringing you more stress than peace. It’s time to end that relationship. When the people you sit with make you feel small, or like your soul is replaceable - it’s time to let them go. And most importantly…. if you can not feel 100% confident that when you get up from that table that words aren’t being served in your direction - it’s definitely time to go. How people talk about others to you, is how they are going to talk to others about you. I have made the decision to no longer sit at tables where I might be the topic of conversation when I get up. To surround myself with people who talk about goals, visions, dreams, ideas and accomplishments, instead of other people. Remember, that people who are talking behind your back are placing themselves exactly where they need to be…behind you. People who talk poorly of others, often have way more to hide about themselves. So, make a habit of shutting down conversations that involve hating on other people. And transform your conversations into something positive. Sometimes leading by example is all that it takes. Teach these people in your life that it is better to make it to the “top” for YOU to see how far you’ve climbed, not so everyone else can see you. And if things don’t change, if their energies no longer align with yours - it is OKAY to walk away. If you are spending time with people who cause you to engage in negative behavior, or a behavior that no longer serves you - it is time to find a new environment. And that is OKAY!

Peace is priority - REFUSE TO BE APOLOGETIC ABOUT THAT. There are too many negative connotations on the words selfish and self-centered. There comes a point in your life, where YOU need to be your number one priority. Being self-centered doesn’t always have to mean being arrogant. You can love yourself and always do what is best for YOU and still be an amazing person to everyone else. Stay away from the people who will gaslight you - or manipulate you into thinking that when you express how you feel about your life, or something that you strongly believe in - that you are being argumentative or wrong. These people do this, so that they don’t have to take accountability for their own actions and behavior. Whatever you do in life will be perceived differently from different people - that is not something that you can control. You can never control how a person receives your energy. Your energy gets filtered through theirs before it truly reaches them - which means it can get misinterpreted based on things they are going through, through their own perception of themselves, or just turn into blatant negative energy that they are full of. How they perceive you, is not always about you. Which is why instead of focusing on perceptions of you, you need to focus on living your life with as much integrity and love as possible. Be YOU. And have the courage to be disliked. Because can you imagine what it must feel like to watch the person you dislike thrive without your negative opinion? Don’t let anyone, or anything make you cruel - no matter how cruel they are. It’s not worth losing yourself in the process.

As I have talked about before, this chapter of your life is titled “Transformation” and it requires you to be a little less accessible. What I mean by this is that you need to be cautious about who has full access to you - because you are still figuring out exactly who and where you want to be. Not everyone needs access to you, what you’re doing and what your plans are. This isn’t out of arrogance or secrecy, but out of the need to protect your energy, your vibes, your plans and your space. As you do all of the groundwork to elevate yourself, you need to let in only those who truly wish to elevate you as well. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO BE PICKY - with your own time, space and energy. Your time and energy is precious, and you get to choose with you spend it, how you spend it, when you spend it, why and you want to use it. That is up to no one, but YOU.

So, let the cleansing begin. Just as you may use Sage or Palo Verde to cleanse a room of negative energy, start to cleanse your life of negative energy. Just as you take a detox cleanse to cleanse your body of the toxins, start to detox the toxic people out of your life. But in that process, don’t become an ugly person. Cleansing people from your life does NOT mean that you hate them, or that you do not wish them well. It simply means that you respect yourself and love yourself enough to surround yourself with only people who respect and love you. Some people are toxic and draining and don’t even realize it. In this case, you can always give them the chance for change. The best way to do this is to set healthy boundaries. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and will not accept. You have every right to stand up for what you believe in and how you feel - this doesn’t make you mean. You have every right to put yourself first and let people know in a healthy way - this doesn’t make you egotistical. For example, you may have a person in your life who you really like spending time with, but no longer wish to partake in what they like to do. Let’s say, you no longer want to make partying/drinking a priority and instead would like to focus on activities that give you something MORE - like a gallery, movie, museum, class, fitness activity…etc. Be open and honest with them. Set the boundary by saying that you would love to spend time with them, but would like to see if they want to do more than just what you’re used to doing. Doing this sets a boundary, leaves opportunity to change the direction of a friendship and opens your eyes to who supports your lifestyle change and who doesn’t. You are under no obligation to remain in someone’s life, who doesn’t align with who you want to be and where you want to go. You are allowed to say no, if it is something you don’t want to do. If you don’t feel refreshed, inspired and happy when you end a conversation with someone - it is time to either change the direction of the conversation, or stop picking up the phone. You are allowed to no longer answer calls that make you feel bad, or break plans with people who don’t make you feel like the amazing person that you are. Most importantly, whenever I am having issues detoxing, or detaching myself from someone or something I remind myself that I am doing it because I choose ME over anything or anyone else. I remind myself that the person, situation, or thing has already served a purpose in my life, but they are no longer in alignment with my journey moving forward. I send them love and light - and go about my life in a positive and happy way.

Today as I leave you with all of the ingredients to create the perfect detox - PLEASE never doubt your value, because of someone else’s opinions, perceptions, or words about you. Don’t let these people make you feel worthless, because YOU ARE PRICELESS. And when you begin to recognize that and resonate with it, the Universe will align you with people who will show you love, light and support every day of your life. Even if it just starts with me - being your support system, your Monday light and motivation, and being on your side. So, as you go about this week and into the next month - believe that YOU are strong enough to know that you deserve better. Not only better, but the BEST.

Photo Taken by: Jami Lyn of Jamilyn Photography and Bombshell Boudwah

A WOMAN DOES NOT HAVE TO BE MODEST IN ORDER TO BE RESPECTED

Let me say that a little louder for the people who feel the need to discuss/shame not only my own personal photography and modeling choices, but the choices of women all over the world who are being exposed to these same experiences. For the past few year I've sat silent, letting everyones negative perceptions and comments go in one ear and out the other. But I'm refusing to bite my tongue this time.

It is time to STOP lecturing other women about what they wear, what their career choices are, what art they create, and how they CHOOSE to show the world who they are. It is time to STOP policing a woman's preferences under the guise that what they do is "disempowering" simply because it doesn't align with what YOUR beliefs, preferences, or opinions are. Just as you have your right to express yourself, so do the women that you shame, judge, belittle and speak of behind their backs - all while they are out there fearlessly loving themselves. AND DON'T TELL ME IT'S BECAUSE YOU CARE, because true empowerment is respecting the right of every woman to make her own choices, and to love themselves however they see fit. It's time for you to realize that what you are truly doing is trying to equate modesty with character and respect. And what you should be doing is taking a closer look at your self.

In a world where your every day woman is dealing with absurd beauty standards, being criticized for goals/passions that are outside of societal norms and STILL fighting for control over our bodies and basic human rights - WHY are you making it more difficult? Shaming other women for being confident, for following their dreams, for living/thinking outside of the box is only holding us back further. Every second that you spent worrying about, speaking of or taking action on what someone else does, you could have spent taking the steps to becoming a better version of yourself. I truly feel sorry for you.

Oh, and before all of the comments from those who are ready to combat everything I have just stated let me just leave these answers with you…

"women are objectifying themselves, or being objectified" - As women, we are objectified every single day. A woman completely covered can walk down the street and get cat-called, just as easy as a woman with more revealing clothing. How women CHOOSE to express themselves to the world is none of your concern. Comments like this too closely resemble the rape cases that are closed, because the VICTIM was "wearing revealing clothing".

"It's against my religious beliefs" - Pay close attention to the "my" in that statement. These are YOUR personal beliefs. Here in America, we are given the right to freedom of religion. So, you are justified to think this when you are judging a woman's choices, but have NO RIGHT to shame another for practicing their own belief system; no matter how different it may be from your own.

"You can't take back photos you post on the internet" - This is a great thing to teach the youth of America. And I completely agree with you here. It is a GREAT lesson for the adolescent who aren’t aware of the true consequences of our actions, even at a young age. But guess what...If someone felt confident enough to post this past their teens.. you have no say in what a grown adult promotes. And yes, it may negatively effect them in one way or another. But they knew the risks and consequences of their actions. Let them live their life, the way that they want it. Sometimes people need to discover life on their own terms, not on yours.

"You're sending the wrong message/You're doing this for attention" - As human beings every single choice we make is a direct reflection of how we want the outside world to view us. From our external appearance, to our internal passions, thoughts and expressions. So when you are judging someone based on how they are expressing themselves to others you are doing exactly what they want you to do. You are NOTICING them. You are trying to figure them out. And whether you are perceiving them negatively, or positively - you're still thinking about them. And they've just won.

"Youth shouldn't be exposed to certain behaviors, appearances, or content" - We live in a digital age. Our youth is getting exposed to sexual content, crime, and other adult materials younger and younger each year. From what they see on television, to their video games and their friends in school. You can monitor what you do in your own home, but outside of your 4 little walls - you have no control. Let me say that again....YOU HAVE NO CONTROL, so stop trying to monitor and censor someone else's life. We are all in control of only ourselves.

"All nudity is sexual" - Nudity and sex are NOT the same thing. Clearly you haven't studied art, philosophy, or anything in the medical field. Because the study of human anatomy is essential in so many different educational backgrounds. Did you know that almost all art training programs include nude figure drawing in their curriculum - dating back to the ancient greeks? And that it would be nearly impossible to properly re-create a human form, without stripping it down to the basic essentials? And if you've never explored a country in Europe, let me tell you as someone who has lived/studied there - you would see a naked statue, painting or work of art on every other corner. YET, the moment someone take photos of someone nude, or is the muse for a photo with the basis on nudity, or even lingerie - they get shamed for being inappropriate. But I don't see you shaming the famous artists, whose work has been hung in churches and museums all over the world, for creating with those aspects. Michelangelo once said "What spirit is so empty and blind, that it cannot recognize the fact that the foot is more noble than the shoe, and the skin more beautiful than the garment with which it is clothed?"

To put it simply... you wouldn't buy a ticket to an art exhibit if you did not want to see art style being displayed. You just wouldn't look, right? So... If you don't like it...DON'T LOOK.

So, to all of my girls out there who are confidently living their lives and constantly hearing the backlash/opinions of others.... please remember that your life can not be dictated by the perceptions of others. Their opinions don't pay your bills, they don't fulfill you...hell they don't even make you happy. So you continue doing what makes you YOU and what makes you happy. Because you are surrounded by more than enough amazing people who support you, love you and accept you for all that you are and all that you do.

Just remember… A WOMAN DOES NOT HAVE TO BE MODEST IN ORDER TO BE RESPECTED

Photo Taken By: Alex Weyer

Design The Life That You Love

Happy Monday Everyone, or for some of us maybe it wasn’t so happy. Since I am always here to bare my skin, I want to be the first to say that I ended my Sunday evening wishing that today was not Monday. I didn’t want my fun weekend to end, I didn’t want mundanity to set in and I wasn’t ready to fulfill my weekly roles. And this all may seem dramatic, but my mental state last night was shot. It has been quite a long time since I have felt this way, and when I woke up this morning I knew that I needed to go back to my fundamentals. I needed to get re-aligned on my own path, and I needed to replace this emptiness with overflowing self-love and self-care. If anyone else is feeling this way, or has felt this way in the past, I want to be the first to tell you that there is a solution to this emptiness. A solution so simple, that you can start it as soon as you are done reading this message.

The solution here is thinking of your soul as a “cup” (and no this isn’t the old glass half-full or half-empty concept, please stay with me here). When you are in a place that feels draining, overwhelming, anxious, empty, or depressive - these are all signs that your “cup” is empty. And when your “cup” is empty you are drained of happiness, motivation, dreams, inspirations, or even something on a smaller scale like being able to make it through a day without a nervous breakdown. My question to you, is how could you possibly pursue your dreams, passions and goals when you are personally so empty that you have nothing else to give the world? This is such an easy thing to do in our day to day lives. Maybe it is a job that is making you miserable, being a parent for the first time, finding balance in work, school, and hobbies, or just learning how to “adult”. Either way, it is time to look past your situation (and trust me, this is hard. But remember I said look past it, not forget about it), and focus on self care and transformation. The more you focus on your intentions of change, the easier this will become. Fill your “cup” with the things that make you happy, things that promote growth in your life, things that inspire you, things that nourish your soul and fill your heart at the same time. Life becomes so much more fulfilling when you start filling your “cup”. The easiest way to start this process is by first realizing that you are not going to master your entire life in one day. Once you realize and accept this, you can master one day at a time. The second step is remembering that life is going to throw you situations, feelings and circumstances that you can not control. But you have the power within yourself to control your own attitude and your own effort to get you back to where you want to be. And the third step is my favorite - setting daily intentions.

Setting daily intentions are so important, because they are your path to inner peace. They are what you seek to find and design your purpose, and they help you to rediscover your own happiness and your own power. Your daily intentions should be something that you enjoy - not something that you feel as an obligation. So, what makes your soul at peace? What makes you happy? Most importantly. what makes you YOU? If you are having trouble with defining these things…don’t stress, and don’t think that it is not okay to not know. Be happy that you just recognized that it is time for self-discovery. The best way to start, is by writing down 5 things. These 5 things should be something that makes you exactly who you are - not who your significant other is, not what your kids or friends enjoy and not what your parents or bosses expect of you. These five things should be things that give YOU a light, and leave you with something positive. As an example, mine were photography, poetry/writing, nature/exploration, music and fitness. (You can get as specific, or as broad as you need - as long as you have defined them) As soon as I wrote down my five things - I was able to see what kind of daily intentions I could create. And now that they were defined, I was able to set aside time EVERY day to do one of them from the list. And it didn’t matter if it was five minutes, or fifty - as long as I did them - with no distractions, no compromises and no validation of my intentions from anyone else. Once I started dedicating time to these every single day, I started to feel myself thrive again. I started to find motivation in what I used to see as despair. I started turning my dreams into realities again. I started feeling like “me” again. My “cup” slowly started to fill - so much that even when I gave parts of myself away to the people and the things that I love, I still had enough to keep ME happy. It was my goal, and still is, to keep my “cup” overflowing.

I understand that we have responsibilities that social norms have taught us to follow - such as being homemakers, caretakers, mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, sisters, brothers, employees and friends. And there is NOTHING wrong with wanting those roles in life. There is also NOTHING wrong with not wanting those roles in life. But regardless of the path that you choose - there is ONE thing that IS wrong. And that is not making time to take care of YOU. In your long list of things to-do in a day, start putting “caring for yourself” at the top of your to-do list. It’s time to make sure that you are creating an identity for YOUrself. Don’t get lost in your tasks and titles. Don’t get lost as "Mary’s Mom” or “David’s Wife”. It is very easy to lose yourself in the process of loving someone, or something that you take care of or have passion for. But don’t forget that YOU are special too. And the better you know exactly who YOU are and start to have a relationship with that person, the better your relationship with the rest of the world will be. If you are struggling with who YOU may be - remember that it is okay to not know yet. As humans we are designed to constantly transform, both good and bad. Sometimes you won’t realize who you truly are, until you completely lose who you think you were. But YOU WILL find that person, and you will fall in love with them - no matter how hopeless that may seem at this point in time.

Most importantly, work towards being who YOU want to be in this world, without worrying about what anyone else has to think or say about it. You get ONE life, so make it your own. We are often suffocated with our own ideas of who _______ expects us to be. And that blank space can be anyone. It can be your parents, your significant other, your friends, your co-workers, your bosses, or that random follower on social media who you’ve never met in person, but somehow feel obligated to impress. STOP checking in with anyone else to see if it is “okay” to do what you need to do to become the best version of yourself. Yes, in committed relationships you are a union. So, you should probably check with your husband before you put your home up for sale, but you do not need to “check with them” to see if it is “okay” to go to the gym, or escape to a coffee shop to read your book in silence. And if you are still living with your parents, family, or friends - yes, you should probably check with them before throwing a party, but you do not need to check with them before you sign up for that class at the local college. Instead of “checking in” with everyone else, check in with YOU. Be in tune with your emotions - LISTEN to how your body feels, how your mind works, how your soul talks and go from there. If you are feeling overwhelmed with your emotions - make your daily intention something that will calm all the noise in your head. Or something that will help you sort through your thoughts and emotions. Something that is expressive, like journaling, painting, writing music, yoga, or even just taking a moment to lock yourself in your room and put your headphones in. Pay attention to your senses - a smell that soothes you, a song or type of music that relaxes you or motivates you, a meal that fills your stomach and your soul, or even the feeling of grass on your feet or air through your hair. Make time to overload your senses with things that make you tingle from head to toe. Pay attention to what it takes to challenge your mind - expand your knowledge. Learn a new skill - something you’ve always wanted to do. Maybe a language, or a hobby. Even watching a documentary about something you are passionate about, or curious about. Never stop learning. The moment that you believe that you know everything, is the moment that life will pass you up. Stay humble and stay teachable - you will become a better person for it.

AND REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE NOT BEING SELFISH WHEN YOU ARE CHOOSING TO BETTER YOURSELF. Repeat that for me once, and go on. Self love is choosing yourself, and choosing yourself is self care. It is not selfish to make yourself a priority in your own life. On the contrary, it is actually very important to be “selfish” with your time, energy, and mental state. What you surround yourself with - will eventually rub off on who you are. So be picky with where you spend your time, how you share your energy and who you share your energy with. Decorate your life with the things, people and energies that make YOU happy. It is not being selfish, it is being cautious and conscious. When we have roles in life, as I mentioned previously, it is normal to feel guilty when you are taking time for only you. Maybe that’s guilt as a mother, father, wife, husband, or daughter/son…whatever your title may be. But remember that these people need you recharged in order for you to love and care for them in the right way. Draining yourself and leaving your “cup” empty is a sure fire way to lead yourself in to self-destruction. And my brave souls - self destruction is not an option for us.

So, when you are ready to take that next step get out a piece of paper and write down your five things that make you happy and make you YOU. Before bed, set your very first intention for tomorrow. Speak to yourself about the type of energy you want to have, and how you want your day to flow. When you wake up in the morning, do the exact same thing and watch it manifest. Begin to set daily intentions - and watch your world transform. Be patient, but be diligent. Take baby steps, but don’t hold back from finding what fills your “cup”. And remember that over time, these intentions might change. And that is NOT a bad thing. You are transforming into the person you have always wanted to be and YOU ARE DESIGNING THE LIFE THAT YOU LOVE.

Photo by: Taylor Cobb

Shine Bright

Another Monday, another day that you have the choice to make beautiful or ugly. How’d you do today? Did you think positively, or negatively? Did you make positive impacts in the people around you, or did you take those simple human connections for granted? Today I’m here to motivate you to make a positive and healthy influence in the lives of everyone around you, because you never know what tomorrow entails. I want you to think about the last conversation you had with someone you loved. it doesn’t matter if that is a romantic relationship, a friendship, or a family member - truly think to your last conversation with them. Would you be okay if that was the last one that you ever had?

If yes, that is WONDERFUL. But please don’t stop with just the people you love. We live in a society today that thrives on not caring. There is a major misconception that being strong, means being heartless. When in reality, being heartless is being too weak to put yourself out into the world at the risk of being hurt. Being strong is putting the true YOU out there and seeing who relates to your frequency. So, help me change this misconception. Care about strangers, about the environment, about people and things that truly matter. Leave the world a better place when it is your time - and leave people better than when you first met them, even if it is just with the way you treated them. So with all that in mind, maybe you were the one who said you wouldn’t be happy with the last conversation you had with that loved one. The good thing is, if you’re reading this and recognizing that… you are NOT too late. You can make the change, and the choice to STOP taking the people you love for granted.

if you want to make that change, the first order of business needs to be realizing that you are NEVER “too busy” for the people you love. And you may be thinking “You have no idea what my day is like”, or “You have no idea how many hats I wear on a daily basis”. And the truth is, no I don’t know the details of your every day life, but I DO know that one day the people you want to tell about that busy life won’t be here. And you will wish more than anything in the entire world that you could tell them about your “busy” day. So STOP ignoring calls, with the idea that you will return their call when you have a minute. MAKE a minute. Sometimes that is all that someone needs is a minute - to hear your voice, to let your spirit brighten their day. You never know if someone needs that minute, and they aren’t ready to tell you that. For those of you who have lost someone in the past, how many times have you tried to pick up the phone and call them, before you realize that you can’t? For me, it’s weekly. I know that sounds silly, and like I would be over it by now. But every time something awesome happens in my day and I get into my car to drive home- I reach for my phone to call my great grandma, like I always did on my long drives home from work or school. And everyone who knows this, tells me to talk and she will listen - but I will be the first to tell you that IT IS NOT THE SAME. I would literally do anything to hear her voice one last time. To tell her about my day and have her respond. To take just a MINUTE to say I love you, without having to speak into the sky. So, stop being “too busy” to pick up the phone, if even for just a minute. Make every minute count.

The second order of business, is realizing that it isn’t always what you do with the people you love, but the fact that you are around them. Often, we pick and choose when we are spending time with loved ones based on what the agenda is. For example, you might say you’re busy on Tuesday when your grandma asks you to take her to the grocery store (I know that sounds SO horrible when you reread that, right? But hey, some people are really like that). But when grandma offers on Wednesday to go out to eat, and you’re a starving college student you don’t hesitate to pick her up and go to dinner. (Again, it sounds horrible. Because it is.) This isn’t a guilt trip, but a realization, that one day you’ll wish that you could walk around the grocery store helping her find everything on her list….because you’re in her presence. Same concept with friends. You might re-schedule plans with your best friend when you know that you are going to spend the entire day trying to help your indecisive best friend look for the “perfect” outfit - knowing that she never finds one. It’s time to realize, that tomorrow is not promised to any of us. You never know when you will get the call that you’ve lost a friend - and maybe not in that moment, but months later you will realize while out shopping for the “perfect” outfit that you wish your best friend was there laughing in the fitting room with you. So, forget about the activity and focus on who you are doing it with. Don’t cancel dinner plans with your parents, because you’re too tired. Make dinner plans with your parents, to feel loved and get motivated. If your grandma invites you to bingo night on a Friday night, cancel your plans out at the bar and GO. If Grandpa invites you over to watch him work/tinker in the garage, GO, because one day you will be thankful for all that you learned and for all of the time that you spent with him. One day you will look back at your life and forget the many places you went, but remember every detail about who you were with and how much you loved them.

The last order of business is telling people you love them. Love is a word that is used so freely, and so many people believe that this is a bad thing. I used to agree, every time I got my heart broken by someone I said “I love you” to. But now looking back, I am thankful that I had the courage to love in the moment, let people know that I cared about them and that I was to feel strongly about another human - regardless of the outcome. So, TELL the people in your life that you love them. But even further than that, tell them that they matter. Let people know that you admire their strengths, and elaborate on what those strengths may be. Let people know that you are in their corner and that you have their back. Be the person that people are comfortable talking to and opening up with in tough situations. Be the person who lifts others spirits, especially when the world is so great at tearing them down. Be the light in your loved ones lives. Because one day the light of your life might not be around, and you’ll wish that you could see them just one last time.

Please spend this week making at least one positive impact in someone’s life. I don’t care if it’s your mom, or a complete stranger. I don’t care if it’s a compliment to someone’s outfit, or taking someone to dinner. It doesn’t matter what you do, or how you do it - but be the LIGHT in someone’s life. Believe that you will make a difference in the world, just by being a positive part of it. And just for loving someone. So, hug your loved ones, tell your friends how much you appreciate them, and make time to show them how special they are to you. Fill your life with love and memories, so you don’t have to look back at it with regret, The more love and light you surround yourself with, the more love and light you will have for yourself as well. Shine bright my little motivational army - I love you.

You Weren't Born to Just Pay Bills and Die

As we begin our new week we are back to our daily routines - whether those are working our 9-5s, going through school, running our businesses, or running our households - Monday doesn’t wait for anyone. And it definitely does not wait until your ready. Today’s #HeyEmmaJayeMonday Motivational Message revolves around the idea of time and financial freedom. 

I know this seems like a very odd “motivational” Monday, but stick with me - because I promise it’s positive. I’m here today to tell you that

YOU WEREN’T BORN TO JUST PAY BILLS AND DIE.

From the time we are toddlers to the time we reach adulthood, we are conditioned into believing that work is the most important part of your life. We watch our parents work days and nights to raise us, and then we turn into adults working days and nights to support ourselves. We are taught that money makes the world go around and without it you have nothing. We are taught that if you work hard enough when you’re young you will be able to enjoy life when you’re older. But what happens when you you finally get to retire, and the love of your life passes away during the time that you are supposed to enjoy life with them? Or what if your dream is to hike a certain mountain in another country and by the time you have the freedom to do so, you are not in well enough health to make it to the peak? This is where I find my flaw in the typical “American Dream” and is why I am telling you that financial freedom doesn’t always mean being free of debt, but rather being free of the fear of having enough money. I know that some of you are probably reading this thinking that I’m living in a dream world, but the closer you get to thinking about financial freedom, the better you will feel about money in general. And how do you begin to have this mindset? With the Law Of Attraction. 

With the Law of Attraction, the subject of money is no different. If you continue to think about “needing” money, then you will always “need” money. When all you think about is having a mountain of bills to pay, you will continue to attract more bills and more mountains to climb. There is a line in the book, The Secret, that says “Every negative thought, feeling, or emotion is blocking your good from coming to you” and that includes money. So starting today STOP focusing on not having what you consider enough and start focusing on prosperity. Start thinking in abundance. Because the longer you say and think “I’m broke” the longer you will be living “broke”. The best place to begin this way of thinking is by declaring into the Universe what you want. 

I know this sounds gimmicky, but I can assure you it works. When I decided to run my business full time I took away the consistency of a bi-weekly paycheck. For me, this was the best thing that I could do for myself. But I started it off the wrong way. I kept worrying about money - and I’m not talking like worrying in the car or when I’m paying for something, but ALL DAY LONG. My mind was consumed with thoughts like “I won’t be able to live comfortably.”, “how will I afford my monthly bills and necessities?”, “how can I invest in myself and my business when I’m broke”. And guess what…the first few weeks we remained “broke”. Finally, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and I went back to my roots. I started declaring into the Universe what I wanted, why I wanted it and how much I wanted. It helped me to write it down - maybe because I am a writer, but for you it may be helpful to get your thoughts out on paper. When you actually write out your intentions, they exist, and you can place them somewhere that you have to see and think about on a daily basis - in return you begin to manifest them. So I wrote down that I want to start investing in myself and my business, that I want to spend this year traveling every chance that I get, and that I want to live worry free about money. The next thing that I wrote was a “why” next to each of these “wants”. I want to start investing in myself and my business, so that I can live out my dream career. I want to spend this year traveling every chance that I get, because I know how much traveling means to me and how much positive energy it brings in to my life. And I want to live worry free about money, because I am DONE being stuck in-between “I need to save my money” and “I only live one life”. I took a moment to reflect on these statements, and really start to believe them with every fiber of my being. I started to visualize what that would look like, and the pit in my stomach that typically churned with the mere thought of money started to flutter. I was getting excited about living a prosperous life. That’s when I wrote down how much I wanted, or thought that I would need to make these statements a reality. I wrote those numbers at the very end of those statements and put them in the back of my planner. And within the next week, every time I opened my planner it would be there staring at me. And I would re-read these statements and believe them a little more each time. I kid you not, the second day of doing this I was down to my last $20 in my account before I got paid from my last job. Instead of worrying about it all day, I just kept thinking and believing “you will be just fine, money is coming your way soon”. Later that day, I got a knock on my door from what I thought was a saleswoman. She showed my her credentials and explained that my household was chosen for a survey and that after taking it I would receive cash. I completed the survey in less than 15 minutes, helped this poor woman complete a survey after twenty other homes thought it was a total scam and had cold hard cash in my hand before she left. As I shut the door, I couldn’t help but smile and thank the Universe. The next week, I booked two photo jobs after not having a paid photo job in months. And I didn’t reach out, or begin my advertising plan yet. They authentically manifested and I thrived off of them. 

So, begin by writing out what you want, why you want it, and how much you will need. See it, believe it and begin to manifest it. The next step is having a positive energy around money and being open to receiving it. Don’t dwell on “how”, but dwell on the idea that it is coming your way. Instead of getting irritated when looking at your next bill, be grateful for what you are spending your money on. If it is your electric bill, think of a fun show you watched with someone you care about, or the fact that you got to come home to air conditioning after a long hot day in the sun. If it is a dinner bill, be thankful that you got to eat something that filled your stomach and is creating energy for you to do your next greatest thing. And to take it a step further, as you sign that check, or deposit that money - think of doubling it. Believe that the next time you see this amount it will be entering your account, not leaving it.

With all that being said, I am not saying that you should get rid of your savings account and forget that you need money to survive. Because the truth of the matter is, we do. But start thinking of it in a different way. It’s okay to let money motivate you, but don’t let it control you. For me, it’s not the money that I am after, it is the freedom to live life on my own terms. I want to travel while I am young and able. I want to be rich in experiences that I can remember later on in life. When all I have left are my memories, I want to be able to dream while I am awake about all of the amazing things that I have done, seen and experienced in my lifetime - not just in a portion of it. STOP living afraid. And START believing that you will create the life that you want to life. This week, start changing your mindset on money and watch it flow into your life. And on this Monday, or on your next free day this week - take a moment to write down what you want and why you want it. Not only to manifest money, but to visualize what your goals and dreams are at this point in your life. The sooner you recognize them, the sooner you can start chasing them.

As always, don’t forget I’m in your corner. Whether that is to hype you up, or talk you through it - I’m here. Even better, if you feel like sharing what your “wants” and “whys” are - SEND THEM MY WAY. I would LOVE to hear them and put them out into the Universe for you. After all, these messages are for my life warriors - the ones who are ready to design the life of their dreams. 

Taken on a street corner in Florence, Italy.

Size Matters

Happy Monday and Happy Labor Day everybody! I hope that you have all had a great long weekend and that you are ready for BIG things this week! Speaking of BIG, this Monday’s Motivational Message revolves around the idea that Size Matters. 

Yes, I said it. Because it does. It’s time to stop thinking small and start thinking BIG.

Time and time again you have heard me say “speak it into existence”. Remember that, when I tell you that if you want an abundant lifestyle you have to go where abundance is. Read that again once, and then continue on. This means avoiding small. And by avoiding small I mean avoiding small social circles, small dreams, staying in small cities and most of all small-minded people. And surround yourself with BIG things. And by big things I mean big dreams/goals, big thoughts, big leaps of faith, big trust in the Universe (or whatever faith system you believe in), big-minded people, and big destinations.

So let’s start with thoughts, dreams and goals. The first step in creating the life of your dreams is with a single thought. Because a singe thought is all that it takes to get the law of attraction working. When you think negatively or positively you are putting that out into the Universe to come true. So, start thinking bigger. Every morning think of the life that you want to live. Everyone says “start small”, and we will get to those kinds of people later, but let me just tell you that IT IS OKAY TO START BIG. Don’t limit yourself, because of the fear that other people (who aren’t effected by the choices) instill inside of you. It is okay to wake up in the morning and have your first thought be your ultimate goal. Because it gives you something BIG to think about, to manifest and to work towards throughout the day. Which takes us to BIG DREAMS. Big dreams are something that we have been conditioned as millennials to think about, but not actively pursue - and let me tell you why. We have had too much fear instilled in our generation - from small minded people. The fears of failing, of running out of money, of not being happy, of not actually using our degrees, of making the “wrong choices”, and most of all the fear of not being “successful”. Which is why there are so many people who never pursue their dreams, because the world tells them that they are “too big”. That there is a “one in a million chance” and their “odds are not good enough”. But when you start to think BIG - you realize that your dream is bigger than any of those fears you may have. Do you think that the most successful people in the world weren’t scared when they started their businesses, or took those first steps? THEY WERE TERRIFIED. But now, they’re living the lives they always wanted. Because they let their aspirations take the wheel, instead of their fears and doubts.

Which is why it is important to have BIG faith - and I’m not talking just religion, or whatever you may believe in. But in yourself. Remember in elementary school when your teacher asked you to write down what you wanted to be when you got older? You didn’t stare at the paper and overthink what your strengths and weaknesses were. You didn’t wonder “is this a realistic job for me?” NO. You wrote your dream job down on the damn paper and believed with all of your heart that THAT is what you were going to do when you grew up. So, be that little girl or boy again. Have the faith in yourself that you had when you wrote down that dream job in elementary school. The job, the dream, the goal may be different - but keep your faith the same. Truly believe in yourself when you let go of your fear and take that first BIG leap of faith. Tell yourself that you WILL reach the goal you’ve set. You WILL start that company, or that new job. You WILL live the abundant life that you have always wanted.

On your journey to abundance - you are going to lose some people. And its okay, because anyone that you lose in this process is a small-minded person. You see, people love comfort zones. When you are a “normal” person who wants your every day job, has the same “American dream” and is always comfortable with where you are at in life - YOU become comfortable for other people to be around. But the moment that you start reaching for something BIGGER, is the moment that you stop being a comfort zone for some people. And you have to accept that, even when it hurts. Not everyone that you love is going to support you and your BIG dreams. And I’m not telling you to get rid of them, and I’m not saying that they are wrong, but I’m telling YOU not to settle with THEIR opinions and THEIR support. Instead, put yourself out there, all of you - without reservations, and see who you resonate with. When you are putting the best version of yourself forward, you begin to attract people of the same vibrations and energy. THAT is when you can start to surround yourself with likeminded people and other dreamers. And not only the people that dream just as big as you, but even bigger. Because you are the company that you keep. I had a friend in high school whose dad used to use the phrase “when you hang around shit long enough, you start to smell like it”. It has always kind of stuck with me, because it’s true. When you surround yourself with small-minded people, you don’t think as openly. When your friends aren’t reaching for their goals, there isn’t any motivation for you to reach yours when you’re around them. When you have a group of five friends that are negative, eventually you will become the sixth negative friend. Why? Because you get comfortable. And you are no longer looking at the bigger picture, you are looking at what is right in front of you and making that your normality.

And it’s not just friends - it can be significant others as well. If you know me personally you know that I dabble in everything and anything that excites me. I like to get involved all over the map, and lay all of my cards out on the table. I had an ex-boyfriend who used to tell me ALL the time that I was “doing too much”. That I needed to pick one thing and get really great at it, and forget about everything else. Which at the time I thought was solid advice, until I saw how narrow-minded I had become. During our relationship I spent time away from him, and that’s when I realized that I was never doing “too much”, it was just that he wasn’t doing enough. And that didn't make him a bad person, and I am not trying to speak ill of him in any way. I just realized in that moment that we were not on the same wavelength and that he supported me as long as it was comfortable for him. I also realized in that moment that if I chose to spend my life with him that I would be limiting myself and getting held back from my dreams. Not because he was intentionally holding me back, but because I knew that I would make decisions based on his comfort level. And I was not okay with that. Someone who is actively chasing their goals either has to have a COMPLETELY supportive partner OR no partner at all. So, I made the choice to go separate ways and I started meeting and surrounding myself with people who were on my same wavelength or higher. That didn't mean the same career choices, or the same goals. But that they were chasing their goals and dreams at the same pace and momentum that I was. These people inspired me, and motivated me without words. And my life slowly started to change. It is amazing what positive energy can do for your life and your BIG goals.

So, as you end your holiday weekend, and get ready to begin a new week and new month start thinking BIG. Don’t worry so much about telling your big dreams to everyone, but instead worry about believing your BIG dreams and taking that leap of faith towards them. It’s a new week, a new month, a new mindset. And I know that you are going to thrive, once you realize that SIZE MATTERS.

[Photo Below by: James Mercer Media]

Fight the stigma, Fight for YOU

I am going to start off today’s Motivational Monday Message by saying YOUR FEELINGS ARE VAILD.

We live in a world and generation where we are constantly placed under a microscope. We are constantly being told who we “are”, what we “should” be like and where we “should” be in our lives. Growing up in the digital age has also given us this so-called “courage” to put everything we do onto the internet for everyone to look even closer at under the microscope. But, in doing this we have made everyone on social media wear rose-colored glasses to look at life and what it “should” look like. We post our best photos, our best experiences, our highs and occasionally we will post a really great photo with a caption that talks about a low, or a struggle and how we overcame it. That is considered NORMAL. Unfortunately, in this day and age seeking help is NOT NORMAL, because there is a major stigma on mental health and seeking mental health support. Which is creating even bigger problems for us, not only as a nation, but as a human population. Which is why this Monday it is my mission to destigmatize mental health support. So, for starters many of you have had no idea, but I saw a therapist most of last year.

Subconconnciously most of your first thoughts were somewhere along the lines of “I wonder what happened to her”, “what’s WRONG”, “why didn’t she just come talk to me”, “why didn’t she just say something”. And this is something we have been conditioned to do, so I don’t blame you, I only wish to change your mind. We have been taught that something “bad” has to happen to you, or that you are in a “bad place” in order for you to go to a therapist. Or you fit that same criteria if you are “crazy”, “unstable”, or are “too weak” to handle what is going on in your life. But guess what, I am a very happy 26 year old woman. I am building the business of my dreams and have an AMAZING support system in my family and friends. But I went to therapy every Friday, and experienced the most incredible growth and created such a positive relationship with my self, which in return rekindled the BEST relationships with the people around me. I made the choice to go to therapy when I realized that I was not being the best version of myself that I could be. And it wasn’t because I wasn’t making the effort - trust me I read all the self help books on the shelf, I ate everything green and full of protein, I worked out when I didn’t have the energy to, I tried yoga and mediation…I tried everything - but until you figure out how YOUR OWN brain works and get everything straight THERE you will NEVER truly experience growth. You will constantly be searching for the next mantra to get you by and make you feel good, until that little wave is over and you’re right back to crying on your floor, because you don’t feel “okay” again. And that’s okay. IT IS OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY. And it is okay to seek professional help, to help you figure it out.

Therapy for me was a safe, inclusive and sacred place to go and learn about ME. My entire adult life I have been told that I am an over thinker and I am overly emotional. So, my entire adult life I have been trying to stop overthinking every situation at hand, and trying to get tougher with my emotions. I even apologized to my therapist at our first session, telling her “I’m sorry I just overthink everything”. She taught me that day that I AM an over thinker and I DO most things based on my emotions, but those are NOT negative things. I just had to learn how to navigate my thoughts, and how to process them in a way that works better for me. The past 9 years of my life have been so transformative, but such an emotional rollercoaster. And think about it, in our late teens and early twenties we are dealing with some of the best and worst days of our lives. We are stepping into adulthood, trying to figure out who WE are and where we belong in this world, and we are constantly experiencing emotional highs and lows - because LIFE IS HAPPENING. So, why is it such a terrible thing to ask for help and for the tools that will help us thrive?

As I mentioned before, I decided to seek outside help, from myself, my friends and my family. Not because I didn’t have a support system or solid relationships with the people in my life (another negative stigma about mental health). Actually, I talk more about my day-to-day problems with my mom and my best friends, than I ever did my therapist. And one of my best friends actually suggested therapy during one of our conversations, because it had done wonders for her. My therapist was an outside source who threw bias out the window and had the professional tools to asses, teach and guide me through my own mind and heart. Honestly, she was like my life coach. She taught me how to set daily intentions, how to transform my own mindset in a positive way, and how to navigate my relationships with others in a healthy way. Trust me when I say that your relationship with yourself influences every other relationship you have.

I know this all sounds so positive, because it is, but let me also tell you that going to therapy is one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. Because unlike what the stigma says (that you are “weak” when you go to therapy) it took an extremely strong part of me to take that first step and continue through the process. You have to be courageous and brave to explore your own emotions, to let your guard down, to test your boundaries, to look into parts of your heart and mind, and go through memories that you never wanted to remember. I was in an unhealthy and downright toxic relationship (if you can even call it one) when I was 20 and 21 years old. I have learned now that I had been in denial about how mentally and emotionally abusive it was. I was also in denial that it was still effecting me and my relationships today. I learned that there were certain subconscious “triggers” that effected the way I reacted to situations in my day to day life. I also never realized how far my walls were truly up with men in life. By building these walls, I was making it impossible for people to love exactly who I am. Luckily, my then fiancé and now husband was so supportive of this and so patient with me. I learned how to break those walls down and let him love the way that I have always wanted to be loved.

In order to really become the best possible version of myself, I had to be so committed to loving myself that I was willing to sit through some of the most uncomfortable pain of growth and change. Believe me when I say that I had sessions where I bawled the entire time and then left with a weight lifted. I have had sessions where I have relived what I now know was trauma and walked out with forgiveness and strength in my heart instead of pain and suffering. And believe me when I say that my hands were shaking during my first session, because I was so nervous and almost ashamed to be there. And why? Because there is such a negative stigma on mental health help that I was afraid of what people would think if they knew that I was in therapy.

So, here I am sharing just the surface of my story, to show you that whatever you are going through is normal. That you are not alone. I am not telling you that you need to go to therapy to help your own personal growth, but I AM telling you that if you are thinking about it IT IS OKAY and IT IS NORMAL. Give yourself the same attention that you give others when they are in pain or in a transformative part of their life and watch yourself thrive. Invest in the things that will challenge you to be better, not the things that will camouflage your mental state, or make you look “perfectly fine” on social media. Step outside of your comfort zone, it is THERE that you will find growth. It is THERE that you will make the leap into your own happiness. Start loving yourself just a little bit and see how much of a difference it makes, not only to you, but to everyone around you. And in that process, not everyone is going to be as supportive as you hoped. Not so much about you actually going to therapy or making positive changes in your life, but with the personal changes that may happen in the process. You might find yourself creating healthier habits and ditching the old ones. Which might result in you also ditching the “friends” who came with those not-so-healthy habits. And as much as that will hurt, it will also open your eyes to the kinds of people you want to surround yourself with. You will learn who is there for YOU, not just for the things that you go out and do. And you will build your circle, an even better one than you had before. Like the one you are in every Monday when you receive my Motivational Monday Messages. Receiving these is receiving an open invitation to reach out regardless of the situation. I am here for YOU. The true YOU. The YOU that you are striving to be and will become.

“…And believe me when I say that my hands were shaking during my first session, because I was so nervous and almost ashamed to be there. And why? Because there is such a negative stigma on mental health help that I was afraid of what people would think if they knew that I was in therapy.”