Home Sweet Home

Happy Monday Everyone! I am writing to you from my hometown of Youngstown, Ohio with the sound of Motley Crue’s “Home Sweet Home” playing in the background - so you can be certain that I am the happiest I have been in quite some time. Not that I don’t love my home and my life in Arizona, but sometimes you need to re-surround yourself with what is not only familiar, but with what is necessary to remember who you are.

About a month ago I decided that it was time to go back and visit Ohio. I needed to get away for a little while and remember who EMMA JAYE is. The past year I have learned that it is all too easy to get caught up in the roles that you play in your life, and forget who YOU are as a person. I had been so busy investing in my daily roles that I was neglecting the investment of myself. I wasn’t losing sight of my goals, but I was definitely not putting them first. I’m not saying that those roles aren’t a top priority, but I AM saying that you need make sure that you keep yourself as a top priority right there with them. So, after figuring out all of the logistics I was on my way home sweet home.

And it was a funny feeling, because on the airplane I started to ponder what the word “home” even means to me anymore. Because I was born in Colorado, but grew up in Youngstown, Ohio. And then I spent a large chunk of my life in Kent, then Cleveland and an even bigger chunk in Florence, Italy. And now I live in Arizona, but I feel a sense of home in multiple places. I feel a sense of home in my hometown, on the streets of Florence, and in the wide open desert. And that is when I came to the solid conclusion that everywhere you go becomes a part of you somehow. You truly find a little piece of yourself in your travels, and you take a little piece of where you are traveling with you as you are headed to your next destination. That is when I also realized that it extremely important to remember your journey, when you are chasing your ultimate destination.

In your twenties you become very familiar with the phrase “finding yourself”. People use this in college, in bad breakups, in experimentation and beyond. I too was a very big fan of always “finding myself”, whether it was for the first time, or the second, or the third… the truth is, in my twenties I have felt lost a lot. And I know now that I have never been lost and neither are you. I was right on the path that I was meant to be on, and even in your darkest moments - so were you. We need to stop titling ourselves as being “lost” and start giving ourselves the title of being “here”. Because that is what are. We are here surviving, transforming, thriving and becoming the person that we were meant to be from the start. It won’t always feel beautiful, but it will feel worth it in the end. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to remember who we are and that we are destined for so much more than our own rock bottom. I can honestly tell you that if I had spent as much time enjoying my journey, as I did worrying about it, I would have probably been a much happier person in my early twenties. But that doesn’t mean I can’t start now. Because we are never truly starting over in life, only starting with new experience. I know now that “Finding Yourself” is actually returning to yourself. To your true being. Your truest form. And everything that YOU were meant to be from the moment you arrived on this earth. Which is why I have realized in the past few weeks that it is extremely important to remember who you were before the world got its hands on you.

And for me, that took coming back to my hometown, being surround by family and friends who love me and reminiscing on how I got to where I am now. The past month I have written so often about surrounding yourself with the “right” people. And in doing so, I have gained positive influences and purged the toxic ones. But my family and close friends have remained through it all - even through the distance. And being around them all this past week has been exactly what I have needed. When you move to a new place, or chapter in your life - you aren’t always blessed with incredible people. (Trust me on this one) And you experience the feeling of loneliness a lot more, even in a crowded room. I learned this the hard way, when I made my move to Arizona. Yes, I have a great family structure there and I’ve started to make a new life for myself - but I also have ended up with people in my life who don’t build me up as often as they tear me down. In dealing with this transition, I have learned that there are so many people that love you in your life. And their love is so strong that it outweighs the opinions and energies of the people who don’t. So, remember to focus your energy on the people who have loved you and supported you through every transition in your life, through every version of yourself and that you know without a doubt will be there until the end. After all, they are all a HUGE part of who you are today.

Another realization that I have had in coming home was that even in the excitement of where you are now, it is important to remember where you have been and how you have gotten there. For instance, since I moved I was having so much trouble finding myself creatively in Arizona. I went to the workshops, the meet-ups and the events trying to attach myself to a creative community that felt right. And even when they felt okay - none of them were who I was as an artist. And it wasn’t until I started looking back to when I first started in the music industry here in Ohio, that I felt that fire in my heart again. It started when I found a folder from my visual storytelling class. This folder contained all of my notes, lectures and even the scribbles in the margin from when I had to write down everything that my professor said in class. It also had printed copies of every photo I had taken for the class; my very first photo story of a band. I was in awe looking at those again for the first time in over 4 years. A few days after I found them, I had friends over on a Saturday night. One thing led to another and we somehow managed to pull out that folder. I showed them my early work in the industry and effortlessly found myself speaking about how much it meant to me. My friends, being the angels that they are, showed so much excitement about my work and my passion that it left me thinking about it days later. So, I decided to look through all of my archives and re-visit the stories that I had made on a local band. This inspired me to start up in the industry again, in my new town. I knew that I wouldn’t get paid and that I would need to re-invent the name that I had made for myself in my hometown. But for the first time in a LONG time, I found myself truly happy again and truly ME again.

Fast forward to this past week. Before I left for my hometown I got an email from a publication that I have read for years. It gave me an AMAZING opportunity as an artist IN the industry that fuels my passion for visual storytelling. And then the day that I arrived into town, I was capturing the same band from my photo story four years ago. At one of the same venues that I had spent hours in year ago. And most importantly, with all of the people who reminded me how truly incredible it is to have a community that loves and supports you. I spent the entire evening catching up with friends, and one statement from them stuck out more than any other. Because I had multiple different people tell me that they were so happy to see me in the music industry again. And as I captured the band again for the first time all of the feelings started to come back. I remembered my first days shooting these same musicians. I remembered how timid I was in the beginning, but how eager I was to learn. I remembered their blind faith in me and my work, and how great they were for giving me a chance. As the same set from years ago was played,, even though everything else in our lives was completely different, it brought me back to the woman I was when I first started this journey. I remembered why I started, and how much I have overcome. The next couple days were spent with my friends and family - doing all of the things that we used to do. From porch chats with my bestfriend to family bonfires at my grandparents house I was full of love and positive energy. And when my Mom and I spent a day exploring all of the places we had gone growing up, I remembered who she made me. It all truly made me rediscover myself again. We get so afraid to look back at where we have been. We always think that looking back has to be on heartbreak, bad memories and going back to places we never wanted to return. But it is quite the contrary. Looking back should be at the happiest times of your life, the places that built you, and the people who made you.

So as I leave you with the Monday task of looking back at the places that have inspired you, why you started the journey that you’re on and who made you into the amazing person that you are - I want you to remember that you are never lost. Even as we get caught up in people, roles and our own worries - we are here. where we need to be. And remember that the new “Finding yourself” is “returning to yourself”. Maybe not the same person that you were in a past chapter of your life, but a person with the same spirit, drive and love. Never forget the places that built you, the “homes” that made you, and the moments and memories that inspired you. After all, they are all part of who are and they always will be.